


Terrorist Cat

by ConesOfDunshire



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Also they're all in Tokyo together, Alternate Universe - College/University, Because I can't handle change, and it's a problem, oikawa has a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConesOfDunshire/pseuds/ConesOfDunshire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa generally isn't very good with animals. Iwaizumi tells him it's because they can sense his true nature. But there is one animal that takes to him. And it's a nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Terrorist Cat

“So, the usual bet then?”

Hanamaki glanced up from his phone to Matsukawa, who was watching him speculatively.

“Yeah, I think that’ll work,” Hanamaki nodded. “Winner buys the booze?”

“And the rubbing alcohol,” Matsukawa replied.

On Hanamaki’s other side, Iwaizumi clicked his tongue disdainfully.

“What’s the matter? You finally gonna join in?” Hanamaki asked, looking over at the shorter male.

“I think I’d rather chew on glass,” he scoffed.

“Suit yourself,” Hanamaki shrugged.

The three of them continued on their walk in relative silence. It wasn’t far from Iwaizumi’s apartment to Oikawa’s, and soon, they were trudging up the steps to the third floor. They stopped in front of a door with the nameplate bearing Oikawa’s name.

“You ready?” Hanamaki asked.

“Just fuckin’ knock,” Iwaizumi grunted.

Hanamaki tapped on the door, and it wasn’t more than a few seconds before they heard shuffling on the other side, accompanied by the muffled sing-song “Coming!” The door flew open, revealing a grinning Oikawa.

“Welcome!” he cheered.

There were mumbled greetings of “Pardon the intrusion” as the three boys shuffled inside and slid off their shoes. All three pairs of eyes glanced down the hallway toward the living room.

And there it was.

The cat.

And it was a hideous cat. Its fur was stark white, and it was immaculately groomed thanks to Oikawa. But that was about the only thing Oikawa could do to make it look any better. It was enormous, weighing in at 15 pounds at least. Its face was squashed in a permanently displeased expression, like it had just smelled something absolutely foul. The wide yellow eyes followed their every movement.

But they would have been fine if it was just a weird, ugly cat. That would’ve been tolderable.

No. This cat was a menace.

The three newcomers took care to go the long way around to the living room, through the kitchen and around through the second door. The cat was staring at them when they entered, its gaze settling on Iwaizumi when they separated. He took a seat on the couch, while the other two settled on the floor facing away from it.

“How can you turn your back on that thing?” Iwaizumi asked, doing his best to avoid its predatory stare.

“It can sense fear, Iwaizumi,” Matsukawa noted.

“Yeah, well, I’m not afraid,” Iwaizumi countered.

“Sure you aren’t,” the other two replied in unison.

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to retort, but was cut off as Oikawa flitted into the room with tea and snacks. He dropped them onto the table and looked up at the occupants of the room with an expectant smile.

“Are we doing a movie or a game?” he asked, settling on the couch.

Iwaizumi scooted away from him on instinct. If Oikawa noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“Movie’s fine,” Iwaizumi mumbled.

Oikawa grabbed the remote and loaded up Netflix. But no one else was paying attention to the screen. The cat was on the move, stalking past Hanamaki on his right and making a beeline for the couch. It leaped up onto Oikawa’s lap and settled there. Oikawa reached down and stroked over its back. The cat was purring like a motorboat almost instantly.

“How about this one,” Oikawa suggested.

“Fine,” they all replied.

Truthfully, they had no idea what he’d chosen. The duo on the floor angled their bodies toward the television, keeping the occupants on the couch in their peripheral. Iwaizumi was making every effort to pay attention to the opening credits. But the eyes burning into him were distracting. He glanced to his left and saw the cat staring at him. Glaring at him. Judging him.

It happened every time they came over to Oikawa’s apartment. The cat literally judged them, like it was peering into their souls and seeing all their mortal crimes. And that was the least of its eccentricities. It guarded Oikawa with its life, attacking when anyone came anywhere near him. Once, it pissed in Matsukawa’s brand new Nikes. And on the only occasion it had allowed Hanamaki it pick it up, it promptly coughed up a hairball in his lap.

But naturally, the duo had still managed to make the experience somewhat worthwhile. Every week, they bet a bottle of alcohol on who could get the closest to the cat without sustaining bodily harm. Even with the cat’s judgmental gaze on him, Iwaizumi noticed the two of them inching a little closer to Oikawa with every passing minute. By the end of the movie, Matsukawa was less than two feet away, while Hanamaki was a little further. But he looked determined.

“That wasn’t a very good movie, was it?” Oikawa asked with a sigh.

“It was fine,” Iwaizumi replied.

“That’s because Iwa-chan has awful tastes.”

“Considering the fact that we’re still friends, I’d say that’s an accurate statement,” Iwaizumi noted.

“Did you two like the movie?” Oikawa ignored him, looking down at the two on the floor. Both grunted a noncommittal response, seemingly concentrating hard. Oikawa furrowed his brow in consternation. “What are you guys doing?” he asked curiously.

“Nothing,” Matsukawa muttered.

“You look sick.”

“I’m fine.”

“Well, please don’t throw up on the carpet, I just got it—“

There was flurry of sound and movement, screaming and shouting and flailing and two bodies scrabbling backwards across the apartment. Iwaizumi tucked himself against the corner of the couch, attempting to look as small as possible. Oikawa folded the cat in his arms and leaped off the couch, backing away with the hissing, spitting ball of fur. Matsukawa looked elated. Hanamaki looked murderous, and there was blood forming from three long scratches in his arm.

“Are you okay, Mulder?” Oikawa cried, patting the cat reassuringly. “Did mean old Makki scare you?”

“Holy shit, are you serious?” Makki blanched.

“You scared him!” Oikawa cooed, rubbing the cat behind the ears.

“I am literally covered in my own blood, and he’s the victim?!” Hanamaki asked.

“He startles easily, you know that,” Oikawa retorted. “Come on, Mulder, let’s go find the first aid kit.”

Oikawa and the cat trudged out of the room, leaving its three occupants in varying states of emotional disarray. Hanamaki was muttering about “fucking X-Files,” Iwaizumi was still shell-shocked, and Matsukawa was wearing a smug grin.

“Looks like I win,” he boasted.

“Yeah, first time for everything, I guess,” Hanamaki grumbled.

“Third, and thank you, I can’t wait for my bottle of Crown Royal on the way home.”

“You’re getting Wild Turkey and you’re gonna choke on it,” Hanamaki countered.

“You two are fucking nuts,” Iwaizumi shook his head. “How has he not caught on by now?”

“That’s a good—“

All action ceased as the cat strode back in. Oikawa wasn’t behind it. Lamplike yellow eyes scanned the room, stopping on Iwaizumi once more. The spiker stiffened. It was too late to run. The cat crossed the room, ignoring the two on the floor and jumping onto the couch once more. It stalked toward Iwaizumi, never breaking eye contact. Iwaizumi wanted to look away. But the cat held his gaze. It was climbing onto his lap, perching uncomfortably, still staring.

And then it vomited all over his shirt.

“FUCK!” he shouted, standing up and sending the cat flying across the room.

“OH MY GOD, IWAIZUMI, FUCK!”

He hadn’t realized he’d thrown the cat right at Matsukawa, and it was now clawing down his leg to get away. Everyone was shouting, and when Oikawa came dashing in, he ran straight for the cat.

“THAT THING IS A MONSTER, OIKAWA!” Iwaizumi roared.

“Don’t talk about Mulder that way!” Oikawa cried, gathering the cat in his arms.

“HE’S A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!”

“He’s just sensitive, Iwa-chan! He needs to be treated with great care!”

“Sensitive?! He just fucking tore into me and Makki!” Matsukawa shouted.

“I won’t stand for you talking about my baby this way,” Oikawa stuck his nose in the air.

“Well, then sit down,” Makki countered.

“Mulder is a good boy, he’s just had a rough life,” Oikawa defended the furious poof in his arms.

“Okay, that’s fine,” Matsukawa said, raising his hands in defeat. “You enjoy your night with your cat like a weirdo loner. We’re gonna go clean our wounds and get drunk.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, you heard me, weirdo loner.”

“But… Iwa-chan…” Oikawa looked to his best friend.

“I don’t know why you think I’d just jump to your aid, that thing is a terrorist,” Iwaizumi glared down at the yellow stain on his shirt.

“We’re not doing movie nights here anymore either,” Hanamaki said.

“WHAT?!”

“We’ll meet at our apartment next week.”

“But your apartment is gross!” Oikawa whined.

“Come on, guys.”

The three guests left their host and his nightmare cat, shoving into their shoes and stumbling out into the cool night air. Hanamaki was trying to staunch the blood flowing down his arm.

“You know this was your fucking fault, right?” Iwaizumi asked.

“Whatever, I still won my bottle of booze,” Matsukawa shrugged, gingerly poking at his ruined pants.

“How long do you think until he’s crying to the cat about how terrible we are?” Hanamaki asked.

“You act like it’s not already happening,” Iwaizumi replied.


End file.
